I'm just already done with this year.
No more, it's just getting ridiculous.
Once a hint of stability and bang: there comes the next catastrophe.
I'm really starting to lose sight of whether the whole thing is still real or whether I'm in a damn bad simulation of a comedy.

I am so drained by all of this...I feel like I'm the glue holding this situation together. I kept suprisingly calm when others couldn't and had my anxiety under control, sacrificed my comfort zone for others and swallowed my dicsontent and annoyedness for the sake of peace in this severe situation bc in this situation a familly fight would be the worst and I am also very harmony desireing & driven. I only have the strenght to do this because I care about my family so much.

But now things are kinda decided over my head, and I will only get my space back for a mere few days before I'm indruded upon again. I would not say no but at least, it would be nice and considerate to include me into the decision over my own space and listen to my opinion on what would be the best and most helpful in this situation.

I just wanna hit pause and have a bit of a breather... I am so overwhlemed by the general situation And can't do most of the things that are emotional ventiles for me, because of permantely having to function. I even got sick myself and still functioned for others. I am the one who doesn't have the luxury of getting to be overwhelmed right now...I have to function permanently until I go to bed at night becaue I am the tape that holds things right now.

Let's just listen to music and dissociate...
let your mind wander off reality for a few moments.

Dictator!!!!