(not sure if anyone reads this, but I think I just need a platform to shout out... not suited for everyone I guess btw..)
Living with Bipolar Disorder is just the worst... not sure if anyone else is dealing with this shit but the worst are those crashing episodes that you cannot foresee yourself.
Especially those Episodes where you just running internally mentally wild and the only thing you feel is just that anyone just want to betray and hurt you... even your closest ones.
In addition, when I'm in a breakdown, the ‘spectrum’ in me swings so hard that I literally become completely blind to communicative schemes and can no longer understand or interpret anything like indirect speech in any way (probably always the main reason why I try to withdraw from anyone).
In these phases, indirect language is as incomprehensible to me as a foreign language that I can't understand in any way. Unfortunately, very few people understand this because they are used to other ways of communicating with me.
I'm really not sure what triggered the current episode: the constant stress at work, the stress of being available for everyone and everything every second for the last few months, or my own realization and disappointment that I think I've made so many bad decisions in the past because of my good faith, which have destroyed paths I would have liked to take(career and study-wise).
However, I currently hate myself more than usual; not only for what I haven't achieved at the moment, but especially for the way I behave towards others uncontrollably during this phase.
I am unconsciously insulting and offending those who actually want the best for me.
I hide and deny the real causes until it is too late... (I'm such a coward)
I wish I would be fixable but I'm not I guess...

The worst thing is probably this post-episode in which you realize that not only the world itself is the problem, but that your own grievance towards others is also the problem in this world.
(No wonder why the S-rate is so high in this disorder circle, since most people can't find any other solution).

Maybe I just want someone to tell me directly and unhinged that they actual love me for what I am and that what I'm trying to achieve is enough

#steampunk #festival #new_zealand #Oamaru
https://www.travelandtourworld.com/news/article/new-zealand-us-malaysia-spain-armenia-st-kitts-nevis-south-africa-festivals-oamaru-steampunk-10000-lifeline-tourism-boom/

This world takes itself way to seriously. We should be more like Morris Day. Cocky, carefree, and ready to party. Also, if I could find that Blazer he's wearing at a thrift store, my life would be complete!

Well Done Israel! Keeping the world safe from Iran!
All that is needed for evil to succeed is for good people to do nothing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceEoIbNTJHw

PSA: Trolls & spam

Reading the room I get the feeling most people think this place is dead, I'll agree! I also see alot of whiners in feed talking about spam and trolls, pucker up buttercup!

There's nothing more fun than people with retarded takes, and a troll's reply, maybe if people were not so vapid, unorginal, and eager to turn every part of the internet into a fucking hugbox maybe you, and the places you go would be more fun.

Also what's with all this feelings matter bullshit; people say mean things, reply with banter, learn to take a fucking joke, or ingore people. If that's impossible for you, fuck off, I suggest a gag, blindfold, and isolation as the real world is the same. LEARN TO TAKE A FUCKING JOKE!

For the late night haunting, New World jaunting...I can't count on millennials or Gen Z to post tonight. Hell, even us Gen Xers were babies this slight. So, grab a brew and light up a joint cause Black Oak Arkansas is gonna groove you alright!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BSPXnwVwEmA

#videogames #Retro #deusex #Halflife #GodofWar #Castlevania #portal #SuperMarioWorld #tetris
https://www.dualshockers.com/classic-games-that-will-never-need-remake/

Back Ally 80s Goth Black And White
I had some spare time on a day off that Thursday on a cool July 9th. I decided to goth up and take a short trip to Camdenton and do some back alley goths. These pictures were inspired out of a 1988 Vogue magazine I remembered reading back then. I did my best at it with what I had, according to what I recalled from the magazine. After I got home and took to my PC, and used Photoscape and added the right Black and White effects that made the images more like what a photographer would do on black and white film. Otherwise, I had fun on this day off back then.
Happy World Goth Day, everyone.