I just had a meltdown in the lab...because I'm burned and spent by this shit. This company has burned me completely and I'm just a walking pile of ash. Every passing day I wish more and more that I was one of the people that were layed off or that I would have an accident break and ankle or so and get a sick leave for a few weeks. Just to catch a breath and be an unexpected gap on the personal.
It's not the stress that's getting me I actually don't think the workload is overwhelming at the moment it's average and manageable. It's the lack of pay and appreciation that bothers me. I came on Saturdays I came on Sundays gave 110% to make them see that I am worth getting the same pay as the others and instead I get a warm sweaty handshake and a chocolate I can't even eat.
And I'm still trying to give a 110 percent that I don't even have in me anymore why because of revenge because I want it to hurt heavily when I leave and I want to see them in false security about my loyalty. But I'm not even sure that's worth it...
At this point I just wish for a new job opportunity and hope the company goes bankrupt so that I can get social support. I wouldn't get that for a few months if I resigned without a new job.

I'm so tired of all I don't even know how I still manage to get myself out if bed everyday. In the past few weeks I caught myself wishing I would catch a nasty cold or even fall off the bike and break something so I can catch a break...
How Terrible is that.

Well, the media has wasted no time with Black History Month. I've seen an article about a NBA player who claims he felt disrespected as a black man because a white referee called a foul on him. Another article claiming Shakespeare was a black Jewish woman. Two or 3 more on how whitey is evil. With the media complicit regarding some of the violent "protests' going on in the country, you'd think they'd had their fill of identity politics and divisiveness...but no. They are habitual line steppers.

Well Happy Birthday to me. Let's see what a shitty one it will be once I have dragged my ass to work in a few hours. Not looking forward to working tomorrow...
I started to hate it there. I wish I could just quit immediately. But I need to find something new first. And with the current economy in Germany it can take up to a year to find a new job even with a degree in science.
Guess it's obvious what's my wish when blowing out candles today.

https://youtu.be/GXKEKOVWgEw?si=pNuBYx6pIhbLs1so

This song is a vibe. So melancholy and it feels like your fading into death. I love the batman edit added to it. Wish killswitch engage did more songs like this.

Wish I could see them in concert. I’m kind of obsessed with this song right now. https://youtu.be/7FKRXFNt1xg?si=JWilpJEc1SswnUcX

Wishing you all a great day