The Pulse That Outlives Me Since I was small, my hands have itched for the weight of something new, the warm breath of an idea still wet from birth. While others chased nights strung with music and lights, I chased the hum beneath my ribs— that low, holy vibration that says: Make. Make. Make. I am not afraid of death— only of silence, of the stillness that comes when the last word dries, when the last color fades from my palette. Some people fear missing the party. I fear missing the next perfect shiver of creation, the one that seizes my spine like lightning, the one that says: Here. This is yours. Make it real before it slips away forever. Even as a child, I knew my bones would be dust one day. But a poem— a song, a shadow on film, a brushstroke on canvas— that could outlive me. That could keep my voice whispering in the ears of strangers long after my name is forgotten. So I make. I bleed ink. I sweat pigment. I dream in shapes and sounds. Every piece is a fragment of the monument I am building to outlast my pulse. And when I am gone, let them find my works scattered like constellations— each one a flare I sent into the dark, each one still burning, still warm, still breathing my name. https://www.blogger.com/u/7/blog/post/edit/7919007891465025240/49843031849199149

Embrace the Storm I wrote a poem, which will become a future song, about my 15year partner PJ ♥️⬇️♥️ Embrace the Storm by XZanthia He doesn’t flinch when the lightning hits. He never asked me to dim. He just stood still while the sky cracked open and smiled like it was beautiful. He saw the fire in my chest and didn’t reach for water. He knew I wasn’t dangerous I was divine. He don’t compete, he completes He don’t crumble when the current heats While boys bail out, he’s building rafts While others fear, he laughs at collapse I shook the room, he didn’t blink I roared in rage, he made me think He knows how to hold without holding me back and that’s how you carry a queen’s heart intact To walk beside a powerful woman you don’t need chains you need courage Not armor, but honor Not silence, but space He never caged the lioness He never named me “too much” He simply looked and let me be until I let him see everything Powerful presence, patient, precise Protecting peace without a price Fire-fed, focused, feeling full He’s not afraid, I’m never dull He’s got thunder in his spine Steel in his silence Grace in his gaze and no trace of violence HE NEVER RAN FROM MY RAGE! HE NEVER NEEDED ME SMALL! HE HELD MY CHAOS IN HIS HANDS AND NEVER DROPPED ME AT ALL! Other men feared me He faced me Other men chased me He stayed When I shattered, he sharpened me When I wept, he witnessed me He didn’t want to fix the fire He wanted to feel it with me And maybe you think this song’s about you… Maybe you wish it could be But only a rare one gets written into fire like this. Real ones rise when her voice shakes the walls Real ones don’t shrink when the goddess calls If she’s the storm, he’s the ground beneath Still. Sure. Strong in belief. This ain’t fiction, it’s a fact You want a queen? Learn how to act Not to conquer, not to own But to honor her like a throne HE NEVER ASKED ME TO SHUT UP! NEVER ASKED ME TO SHRINK! HE TOOK MY FIRE AND FED IT!! I am the flame And he holds me I am the howl And he hears me I am the storm But he never tried to stop the rain He just stood With open hands And loves me without fear.

I tried I really tried...but it happens again... I'm trying to not be invisible. And at result I've become painfully visible just utterly disregarded... There is a heavy Rain in my head but no one wants to look out the windows because facing the clouds is too depressing for them...They rather look at their reflection I the windows. Why am I so stupid, forgiving and hopeful and keep trying? I save myself so much disappointment if I just close up and suffer in silence.

Stopped replying to people last week and now I'm not sure if I'm starting to feel better because I'm not burdened with their bullshit anymore or if I just became apathetic to protect myself from feeling worse because no one took my silence for concern or even bothered to ask why I am not replying... they're not even getting offended of being ignored, which was what I kinda expected or more to say what I wanted to provoke. I wanted the "why are you ignoring me" to hit them back with "Same to you. Why do you disregard my troubles but expect me to jump when you are in need of an open ear" Well guess that shows how little they actually care...

"sometimes we reduce communication from the people we love not because we hate them, but because we feel like we are nothing to them" I wonder when they'll notice the read but silence. An what they will do then? Will ithey be asking if I'm ok or will it be just about demanding me to answer/react to their problems/messages...I kinda expect the latter by now. And it's so sad that I already expect the worst from my friends...

The worst feeling of betrayal and loneliness is realizing they didn't really mean it when they said 'always'... They meant only when it's not too much of a burden to carry for them... And then you are left all alone almost abandoned with that darkness you were finally trying to open up on... And that's why some people start speaking silence and live through entire tragedies in silence. Because no one bears to listen but themselves. And that's what trapps you in thst perpetual cycle of being a good listener to others but never be heard out. I'm so sick and tired of being emotionally exploited and permanently abandoned by others. Good enough as an emotional landfill. Real friendship is a myth...

Awwww, looks like I’ve been deleted again, Guess they can’t handle my reflection of their sin. You can try to silence me, but I’ll rise free, https://youtu.be/oWwmA9w9-6Q

#women #men #disasters #silence #solutions

And there is silence again on HeyFreaks so let's enjoy the silence, I guess?