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For the record: Sending your husband out of the house, keeping him on the phone so you know exactly how much time you have, taking your children to the basement, and strangling them is not postpartum. That is not mental health. That is calculated, premeditated murder with criminal intent.

So I had blocked my inlaws and updated my phone which unblocked the inlaws I had to reblock lol.

English is very difficult to understand at times.


For example:


There is one silent “K” in knight.


The “Ph” in phone is pronounced as a “F”.


And there are three silent “K’s” in Democrat.


So confusing.

You need headphones for this 🎧
https://youtube.com/shorts/L2sNcpX4K9o?si=CVpquStVW2CrBCgQ

It’s been close to impossible to finding local friends to hang out and do art. I go to art shows I get Artist‘s phone number as I text them and they don’t reply. Lol so sorry I joined meet up and I get no response. Bumble BFF has been discontinued. So then I go on dating sites and people yell at me 😝😝😝 so if you are local and you would like to do art with me, please text me! (727) 479-9891

I don’t know about you, but my depression always subsides when I’m creating art. And it’s always better when I have a friend to share the experience with even if we’re working on our own projects. That’s all I’m looking for. 🥰

Another day wasted by sleeping too long and then forcing myself to do chores like groceries...
I sat down to look at job offerings to at least do something useful instead of staring at my phone. Just to find that the only job offer that I had my hopes on is expired. They probably filled the position and didn't even read my application anymore. All other things I find are not in my expertise and also not in my local vicinity....
This disappointment was the last thing I needed right now. I was already in the ditch feeling burned out, abandoned and left alone with my problems. People are just too busy to care. Now I can put hopelessness right next to it on my depression Bingo card...
What an awesome start this year. And with the current political situation it will only get worse. Shit time to be alive our future is as rosy as a dumpster. I'm loosing any desire to see it.

I'm sinking more and more into one of my sleep escapism-depressions again. Everything is so discouraging and seems so hopeless....

I can barely get myself to leave the bed lately. I lack any motivation and elan to do anything.
Perpetually trapped in task paralysis.

On workdays I push myself to still give 110% despite constantly asking "what am I doing it for its not like it's fruitful for me". Work drains me so much I can't find the energy to look for new jobs after hours.
And on Weekends I am still drained and barely drag myself out of bed after sleeping for 12hr, then I end up on the couch staring into my phone screen doomscrolling, because I can't get myself to sit on my PC and look for job offers because I know there are barely any that are suitable for me. But pursuing my hobbies makes me feel guilty because "I should spend this time on looking for jobs".
So I just sit there on the couch trapped by invisible chains of guilt and discourage while I'm hoping for the unlikely miracle that a Recruiter will find my job profile and it's the perfect match for both sides. And that the world politics wills suddenly be bearable again. But with the current leaders pfft finding the Amber-room again is more likely than having a secure and happy future.
Thats why I keep asking myself: What future am even doing it for?