Looong post...(Sorry I just need to dump this emotion somewhere. I don't have any friends left to dump it on...)

I think I don't enjoy spending time with my friend anymore. And this scaes me because I recently lost another good freind due to growing apart. And I don't want to lose this one too... I miss being careless just doing fun things forgetting the wories of the world for a while.

Today was not fun at all. Nothing at all like I imagined or how we planned the day: Just 2 gilfriends doing mundane girl things like shopping going for drinks and having a good time. That was the plan.

No, instead I spend the entire day people pleasing and enduring socializing with one of her old university friends we met, because she seemed to have a good time and I really wanted her to have a good time & fully enjoy this weekend as she has a lot of other troubles at home & I want to be her safe space/happy place.
I tolerated not doing any of the things we had planned, just to end the day with her emotion dumping on me how shitty and disappointing the reunion with her uni freind was and how no one wants to be friends with her if they don't benefit from her in one way or another...So I was the emotional Dumpster...

I am not meaning to blame her but she is doing the same thing to me: I am always her emotional dumpster who listends and gives advice. So she benefits from me. And all the things I want to do, the plans we made before are overthrown. By some kind of drama every time.
Last time we saw each other was the same: It was completely ruined, all plans were overthrown because of her bf making drama and me having to be the should to cry on and fix her up for most of the day. I am sick of spending "quality time" like this. I am always the one who's getting the short end and the disappointment.

And now I'm sitting here crying in frustration and disappointment beacue I really miss having my friend around and I want the carefree time back when we did the things we planned and had a good time: Go shopping and try on silly things for fun, go hiking and fool around in the autumn leaves, forget all troubles, laugh and just enjoy the simplest things in company of our comfort person.
All I want is to have something like this again:

Even though you're gonna laugh for the minute and a half that I'm inside of you. I guess you'll do. I guess you'll do.

When you're doing the legpress and that fart sneaks out and you try not to laugh and have to pause to regain composure and start back up but the smell hits you and you can't breathe....ever happen to you?? Me neither.

I spent what felt like the whole day today in the park in my town, which also includes a small, partially abandoned cemetery.

This place makes me thoughtful because of its structure: on one side, children play innocently on a playground, while young couples stroll nearby, their hands intertwined. Yet, just beyond them lies a retirement home, where the building gazes longingly at the cemetery—a silent reflection of mortality.

In between, smaller, older, crumbling statues stand sentinel, guardians of forgotten stories, their weathered faces etched with the sorrows and joys of those who have come before. Complementing these fading relics, scaffolding is being erected for new architecture, a juxtaposition of the old and the new, of decay and renewal.

As I walk through this park, a question quickly arises: what does it truly mean to live? We are born, we grow, we learn, we love, and inevitably, we pass away. But do we fade into nothingness, or do we leave a trace behind in our borrowed time? Perhaps a whisper lingers in the hearts of those we touch, a thread woven into the very fabric of the universe, connecting moments that seem so fleeting.

Is it not a privilege to love and be loved, to create ripples in the fabric of time with our joy and our sorrow? In this park, where the clang of swing sets mingles with the soft rustle of leaves, I feel both connected and isolated—a thread in the grand tapestry of life and death, pulled taut yet ethereal.

Beneath the laughter and love lies an unspoken truth: we are all temporary. Yet, is it not the beauty of our transience that makes moments so precious, illuminated against the backdrop of eternity? The whispers of those who have come before dance in the air, and I wonder, perhaps they are not so far removed; they linger with us in our laughter, our tears, and in the very act of living.

I realize that while our bodies may return to dust, our spirits, woven into the lives and hearts of others, may transcend even death, echoing in the stories told under starlit nights and cradled within the whispers of time.

After a certain point bands like Slaughter to Prevail become monotonous and gimmicky. Like dude where's the groove and the melody? Why bother having lyrics when you can't understand anything? Heavy for the sake of heavy just leads to audio fatigue.

https://youtu.be/OZLUa8JUR18?si=RQCj2ckxoEjY6FFX

Lil WEEZY young money. He used to just make me laugh but over time he really grew on me. Dude is a great lyricist.

So when I went to see marilyn manson live I saw this blind person there and I said "These seats suck I cant see anything, can you?" and she actually laughed. It was definitely either going to go real bad or get a laugh so I wanted to see the result. To be fair if she got upset with me she wouldnt be able to point me out anyway.

Far-Right Christian Fundamentalism vs Far-Left Woke mentality. Both are the reason our country in is dire straits. Both sides have lost the ability to laugh at themselves, and when you have extremists with an egotistical obstruction for compromise and a knee-jerk emotional reaction to everything they don't agree with...welcome to 2024.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCsGRCf8T9Y

Becky Hemsley Poetry
https://www.facebook.com/talkingtothewild
July 24 at 11:19 AM ·

When I invite you over, you always ask “what should I bring?”
And I always say “just bring yourself.”
But what I really mean is...
Bring your woes and your worries.
Let us talk them out if you want to.
Bring your sadness and your sorrows and
let me hold you whilst you cry, if you need to.
Bring your heaviness and heartache and
let me lighten your load a little if I’m able to.
Bring your achievements and accomplishments and
let me celebrate your successes with you.
Bring your happiness and hope and
let me share your joy and listen to your dreams.
Bring your flaws and your failures and
let me accept you regardless.
Yes, when I say “just bring yourself,” what I really mean
is that I want you to feel so comfortably yourself with me that you can bring your smiles and frowns, laughter and tears, joy and grief, highs and lows.
So just bring yourself; your whole self.
And be yourself.
Because your whole self is welcome here.
*****
Becky Hemsley 2024
Lovely artwork by B. Joyful Illustrations

#VP #Kamala #Kamala_Harris #laugh #laughs

Why? WHY?! Because I am a sadist, that's why!

https://youtu.be/gMnJ_NdU7jM