Yaaayy! I'm pretty again when I smile lika a lunatic
I found a dentist who was willing to fix me tooth without appointment and he was quite skillful too! Reconstructed my tooth permanently so don't need to get a dental crown!!! Think I found my new go to dentist in town!
I know I was probably very dramatic about the whole thing....I just struggle a lot with body dismorphia and my teeth are something about me that I actually find OK, if not even pretty. So having a very visible tooth broken apart (again!) made me feel really ashamed to talk without covering my face. Also it gives a terrible lisp and I was bullied for having a slight lisp as a kid so this was anoter hit on the insecurity bingo card for me...
I'm just very particular about my teeth ok?
After all I'm short I need them to bite y'alls ankles when you piss me off :D:D:D

Today really was a Terrible day. Not only did I work longer than it is legal (again). I also wasn't very focussed and did a lot of mistakes in my lab work...I don't think a blanket and c-drama will fix this day..-

I really need to dump & vent some emotions rn...humor me...
The fact that I am still very moody and don't really feel like talking to people one on one kinda contriubted to this day being shitty as lab work forces me to interact with my colleauges more than documentation. and I really don't feel like talking lately.
It's probably hard to get....While I do have a lot of things troubling me and I do need to get them off my chest, I dont have the energy nor the desire to open a 1 on 1 converstaion about it, and even less desire to talk about the world and smalltalk.
It's not like there are no people I could go to if I needed talking. There are. And I know I can go to them anytime. I just don't want to. Bc I don't want to have any interactive converstaions at the moment, if not necessary. Then I'd rahter passively dump it somewhere like here and get if off my chest. It is often not about wanting advice or needing re-assurance. It is mostly just wanting it out...
Just posting it in an anyways dead place gives me the freedom to decide on my own if and when I get advice or others opinion on it. If I need to I'll read comments, If I dont wan't to I just don't.
Is that weird??
I think I am like this because I have always been the Listeing and giving advice friend and not the sharing and wanting advice one.
I'm just used to being that way and found my ways to vent emotions...

Looong post...(Sorry I just need to dump this emotion somewhere. I don't have any friends left to dump it on...)

I think I don't enjoy spending time with my friend anymore. And this scaes me because I recently lost another good freind due to growing apart. And I don't want to lose this one too... I miss being careless just doing fun things forgetting the wories of the world for a while.

Today was not fun at all. Nothing at all like I imagined or how we planned the day: Just 2 gilfriends doing mundane girl things like shopping going for drinks and having a good time. That was the plan.

No, instead I spend the entire day people pleasing and enduring socializing with one of her old university friends we met, because she seemed to have a good time and I really wanted her to have a good time & fully enjoy this weekend as she has a lot of other troubles at home & I want to be her safe space/happy place.
I tolerated not doing any of the things we had planned, just to end the day with her emotion dumping on me how shitty and disappointing the reunion with her uni freind was and how no one wants to be friends with her if they don't benefit from her in one way or another...So I was the emotional Dumpster...

I am not meaning to blame her but she is doing the same thing to me: I am always her emotional dumpster who listends and gives advice. So she benefits from me. And all the things I want to do, the plans we made before are overthrown. By some kind of drama every time.
Last time we saw each other was the same: It was completely ruined, all plans were overthrown because of her bf making drama and me having to be the should to cry on and fix her up for most of the day. I am sick of spending "quality time" like this. I am always the one who's getting the short end and the disappointment.

And now I'm sitting here crying in frustration and disappointment beacue I really miss having my friend around and I want the carefree time back when we did the things we planned and had a good time: Go shopping and try on silly things for fun, go hiking and fool around in the autumn leaves, forget all troubles, laugh and just enjoy the simplest things in company of our comfort person.
All I want is to have something like this again:

Time to numb my head with cheesy C-Drama...

The fucking drama I have been involved in the past few days! And I can't even talk about it for multiple reasons! Omg it is eating at me. It's better than any soap opera. If I was a shady person this would be a multi-part tiktok series with mind blowing updated and twists! AAAAAAAAAAAAA

So much personal family dramas driving me insane ,want to move to the moon and erase all of my memory of them

I run into so many f.... idiots on a daily basis that I´m starting to side with the NWO. We´re too many. And the more we are the mathematical probability of idiots grows dramatically.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LIS7lazQeug&ab_channel=GIVEANHOOH #drama #vampires

Too bad the Gatekeeping Trolling isn't going on anymore *sighs* We need more Drama lol https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evpGu3eO0pY