Nothing is worse for a highly intelligent and gifted person to be under-challenged and underwhelmed.... Today, I came home from work crying because I realised how underchallenged and boring my work currently is. My expertise is currently not being used because customer projects come in slow and don't get to the downstream processing/purification part (I'm a specialist for protein pruification). I don't get many other opportunities to show my skills and knowledge and only do some minor backup tasks like writing working instructions...Nothing about my work currenly feels rewaring and chellengeing. I am a scientist, I love the try and error and the challenge! I thrive in that. I literally work best with stress and being overloaded with work than with being underwhelmed... On top of it I'm gettin really bad imposter syndrome because of not being able to show my expertise while my colleagues currenlty thrive and get ever opportunity to show their knowledge and expert fields. We got a new teamlead in march and so far I feel like I could not show off/prove my skille and knowledge to him while the others could. I feel like I'm standing in the shadows sometimes even being actively pushed back into them. Like a tool put in a shelf not neede for now collecting dust. It's incredibly frustrating and deressing for me because I am a scientist by heart I love my profession... Now my overthinking brain gets even to the point where I'm asking myself if they are boring me out on purpose, so I leave the company on my own accord and they don't have to fire me, because they can't without a reason.... I'm more and more thinking of actually looking for a different posititon... Maybe I'll apply for a pHD after all...

#brain

Mais que esse vulto extraordinário, Que assombra a vista, Seduz-me um leve relicário De fino artista. (Profissão de Fé - Olavo Bilac)

I’m throwing a birthday party and free art show on Saturday, Sept 27 from 3–8 PM at 3610 272nd St E here in Myakka.
It’s going to be colorful, fun, and a little weird just like me. 🎉 After the party, at 8 PM, I’m filming a music video right there and I’d love for you to be in it. No pressure, no acting skills needed just come as yourself, have a drink, and be part of the vibe. It’s a mix of art, community, and celebration and it wouldn’t be the same without you.

The Pulse That Outlives Me Since I was small, my hands have itched for the weight of something new, the warm breath of an idea still wet from birth. While others chased nights strung with music and lights, I chased the hum beneath my ribs— that low, holy vibration that says: Make. Make. Make. I am not afraid of death— only of silence, of the stillness that comes when the last word dries, when the last color fades from my palette. Some people fear missing the party. I fear missing the next perfect shiver of creation, the one that seizes my spine like lightning, the one that says: Here. This is yours. Make it real before it slips away forever. Even as a child, I knew my bones would be dust one day. But a poem— a song, a shadow on film, a brushstroke on canvas— that could outlive me. That could keep my voice whispering in the ears of strangers long after my name is forgotten. So I make. I bleed ink. I sweat pigment. I dream in shapes and sounds. Every piece is a fragment of the monument I am building to outlast my pulse. And when I am gone, let them find my works scattered like constellations— each one a flare I sent into the dark, each one still burning, still warm, still breathing my name. https://www.blogger.com/u/7/blog/post/edit/7919007891465025240/49843031849199149

Tuesday, time for a 2 for 1 deal. I prefer cash. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URacvZ1HbRA

watching you dildo brain cock suckers play w/ ai shit is like watching a dog paw at one of those puzzle boxes that you put treats inside of

Who cares about the Truth when i ve got the Cill Vibrations. But the Truth pierces my Heart my Bloody Heart

Embrace the Storm I wrote a poem, which will become a future song, about my 15year partner PJ ♥️⬇️♥️ Embrace the Storm by XZanthia He doesn’t flinch when the lightning hits. He never asked me to dim. He just stood still while the sky cracked open and smiled like it was beautiful. He saw the fire in my chest and didn’t reach for water. He knew I wasn’t dangerous I was divine. He don’t compete, he completes He don’t crumble when the current heats While boys bail out, he’s building rafts While others fear, he laughs at collapse I shook the room, he didn’t blink I roared in rage, he made me think He knows how to hold without holding me back and that’s how you carry a queen’s heart intact To walk beside a powerful woman you don’t need chains you need courage Not armor, but honor Not silence, but space He never caged the lioness He never named me “too much” He simply looked and let me be until I let him see everything Powerful presence, patient, precise Protecting peace without a price Fire-fed, focused, feeling full He’s not afraid, I’m never dull He’s got thunder in his spine Steel in his silence Grace in his gaze and no trace of violence HE NEVER RAN FROM MY RAGE! HE NEVER NEEDED ME SMALL! HE HELD MY CHAOS IN HIS HANDS AND NEVER DROPPED ME AT ALL! Other men feared me He faced me Other men chased me He stayed When I shattered, he sharpened me When I wept, he witnessed me He didn’t want to fix the fire He wanted to feel it with me And maybe you think this song’s about you… Maybe you wish it could be But only a rare one gets written into fire like this. Real ones rise when her voice shakes the walls Real ones don’t shrink when the goddess calls If she’s the storm, he’s the ground beneath Still. Sure. Strong in belief. This ain’t fiction, it’s a fact You want a queen? Learn how to act Not to conquer, not to own But to honor her like a throne HE NEVER ASKED ME TO SHUT UP! NEVER ASKED ME TO SHRINK! HE TOOK MY FIRE AND FED IT!! I am the flame And he holds me I am the howl And he hears me I am the storm But he never tried to stop the rain He just stood With open hands And loves me without fear.

When I was really low one day I went to get a book from the Library on suicide. They wouldn't give it to me. On the grounds I would never return it. They had a point!