Lately, I've been noticing again how I'm becoming emotionally hardened and how everything feels surreal and intangible. However, it's currently at a level of severity that I last felt 7-8 years ago, when I was emotionally dead and constantly wearing a mask that was stuck on.

I wake up at night with my head in chaos and wonder if I can even comprehend or understand the right answers at the moment.

Sometimes I just lie there and stare into the darkness, as if it owes me some kind of answer. But it remains silent. Just like everything else. It feels more like I'm just running through memories of myself.

It's strange... I'm still functioning. I get up, talk to people, do things, smile at the right moments. From the outside, it probably looks normal. Maybe even stable. But inside, it feels like I'm playing a role whose lines I learned by heart long ago, without even knowing why I'm on this stage in the first place.

This piece feels like a portal between decay and creation — death not as an ending, but as a doorway.

A fractured skull floats in the cosmos, crowned by a cracked, burning clock — time splitting open at the mind. From the hollowed jaw emerges a living island: red-capped mushrooms, moss, trees, and dripping earth suspended in space. It’s as if consciousness itself has broken apart, revealing that something wild and fertile grows inside what once seemed empty.

The contrast between bone and bloom, void and forest, collapse and rebirth speaks to cycles — the way endings compost into beginnings. Even in darkness, even in fracture, life insists.

Set inside an aged frame against weathered wood and cobwebs, the piece feels like an artifact discovered in an abandoned place… a relic of memory, time, and transformation.

A meditation on mortality.
A dreamscape of regeneration.
A skull dreaming of forests.

Black Canary "Back Ally Shift"
Two years ago, I took advantage of this awesome back alley to make this crossplay as Black Canary happen. The LED lighting was perfect in assisting me with the right lighting in the right place, where I could create a scene similar to Batman and Green Arrow comic books, along with some fan artwork I drew from. The city of Camdenton is great for anyone who wants to do cosplays and goths without going to the big cities. Sometimes, the good old small towns tend to have what you need and want to make your day that much better. That July night was definitely one of them.

Goth is becoming more popular than it has ever been. Take for example The Cure cover "The Perfect Girl" that has by total over billion streams. Of course a lot of it has to do with universal feeling of melancholy, spread through TikTok.

Just noticed that even TWIX uses Belarusian postpunk song that quotes Russian poet's words about institutionalized life, where death feels more cozy than life - but there's a desperate longing to face life directly, to cry, and to keep living rather than disappear.

Btw, this Twix commercial got banned in Britain.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7lBA5aX-iI

While TikTok follows trends - and I'm quite surprised to see something as underground as Radio Werewolf being played by teenagers & young adults - there's also people like a clothing market in St. Petersburg (Russia), named Kissa Market (Kissa means Cat in Finnish) that isn't just a company but a whole philosophy and a collective answer to life's struggles. These photos market their own brand of clothing, and their shop in the "ruins of empires".

Massage Therapy by XZanthia

I'm not sure what fuzzy foreign language is on those products, but if it's alcohol...this is the most tragic pic i've ever seen!!!

The culture war is this country is beyond comical. The internet has given every neurotic blowhard a platform to feign outrage and it's not healthy. Life is short and hopefully many people will find wasting time on things with no real importance other than to divide and control us isn't worth the effort.

I needed three rare figures from ebay, lucky star to complete my collection. I sent a message can I just have 3 in red. They made a new listing, the three I needed instead of the the onesI already owned, So I bought them. They just arrived, maybe there was some confusion because seller has sent the 3 I wanted and the the girls as well. Now I have two sets of lucky star figures, popped em on my monitor. I had to get them out of their body bags just not right!

I just had a meltdown in the lab...because I'm burned and spent by this shit. This company has burned me completely and I'm just a walking pile of ash. Every passing day I wish more and more that I was one of the people that were layed off or that I would have an accident break and ankle or so and get a sick leave for a few weeks. Just to catch a breath and be an unexpected gap on the personal.
It's not the stress that's getting me I actually don't think the workload is overwhelming at the moment it's average and manageable. It's the lack of pay and appreciation that bothers me. I came on Saturdays I came on Sundays gave 110% to make them see that I am worth getting the same pay as the others and instead I get a warm sweaty handshake and a chocolate I can't even eat.
And I'm still trying to give a 110 percent that I don't even have in me anymore why because of revenge because I want it to hurt heavily when I leave and I want to see them in false security about my loyalty. But I'm not even sure that's worth it...
At this point I just wish for a new job opportunity and hope the company goes bankrupt so that I can get social support. I wouldn't get that for a few months if I resigned without a new job.

I'm so tired of all I don't even know how I still manage to get myself out if bed everyday. In the past few weeks I caught myself wishing I would catch a nasty cold or even fall off the bike and break something so I can catch a break...
How Terrible is that.