Good new, I haven't been deported yet.

Bad news is that you get put on a WHOLE different watch list when you speak Russian in front of CBP.

So I had to share this,I work with probably some of the WEIRDEST people ever,I mean ever. My job as a grocery bagger is good,I walk there and enjoy what I do but some of the conversations that go on....yeah just SO weird I won't go into detail. Also I'm still there and haven't gotten fired....yet. So I'm hopeing to stay there for awhile,as much as everyone had changed there attitudes twords me I don't care really.....I think I get treated differently because of how I dress and that fact I like extreme and quality music...oh well....!

Lately, When I express my genuine thoughts and concerns, it feels like a form of punishment.

This happens both at work, in meetings where input is supposedly valued, and in my personal life. My attempts to voice a concern or a different perspective are often dismissed as pessimism, exaggeration, or even egomania. It seems I am being penalized simply for having an opinion and for caring enough to be concerned.

Increasingly, I feel that I am being passively silenced—not with a direct command, but with subtle cues and reactions that make thinking feel like a forbidden act. I am being reduced to a sounding board, a wall for others to shout at, with no expectation of a reciprocal conversation. My role is not to contribute, but to absorb.

And then, people wonder. They wonder why I am burning out, why my energy and creativity have evaporated, why my motivation has dwindled to nothing. They don't see the cumulative weight of being silenced.
I notice that the situation is gradually affecting my body. I currently only sleep with a tight chest and painful breathing, and I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

Gen X here. The most important and crucial difference from my time compared to today: We knew how to relax and have a good time. We certainly didn't let politicians make us fight their battle for them. Divide and conquer has always been the mantra, and if you youngbloods think anyone of those in Washington are making things difficult for those with different viewpoints with your best interest in mind, you're living in a fantasy world.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9l5WZ774Sg

Patriotic Goth Music from Austria

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8fIj3u21n4




Our landscape raped by different armies
Soldiers, slaves who have no faces
Control our ways and lives completely
Our minds are torn, time left its traces
Controlled by TV screens and letters
That point out assimilation
To trends and movements from outside
Fall victim to this infiltration
Everybody's just consuming
What the media's dictating
And they all have just forgot
The joy that is to creating
Here in the heart of Europe
No one stands up proud no more
Here in the heart of Europe
Our culture is a dying whore
No room for individuality
Grey masses who think one way only
Move like robots through the streets
In our thinking we stand lonely
Once a land of art and culture
Now slave to streams from outside
Our nations culture, doomed and dying
Like a candle's fading light

Your choice of a billion different Universes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LnI51qStuo

I went to my chiropractor per usual yesterday, i ended up 'scaring' one of there staff members who saw my die ghost shirt that has a happy smiling skeleton on a skeleton horse. like the most non-scary shirt i own...yeah..so next time i'm going to wear a totally just crazy one and see if i get a different reaction....people are so weird.

I dont know how much i believe this but the different gestures match known sniper language from what ive read up about its strange and appears to be signals idk what to believe its just so incredibly strange


https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOcjdUTDdhp/?igsh=cW9icXB5eXYxMnB2

Nothing is worse for a highly intelligent and gifted person to be under-challenged and underwhelmed....

Today, I came home from work crying because I realised how underchallenged and boring my work currently is. My expertise is currently not being used because customer projects come in slow and don't get to the downstream processing/purification part (I'm a specialist for protein pruification). I don't get many other opportunities to show my skills and knowledge and only do some minor backup tasks like writing working instructions...Nothing about my work currenly feels rewaring and chellengeing. I am a scientist, I love the try and error and the challenge! I thrive in that. I literally work best with stress and being overloaded with work than with being underwhelmed...
On top of it I'm gettin really bad imposter syndrome because of not being able to show my expertise while my colleagues currenlty thrive and get ever opportunity to show their knowledge and expert fields. We got a new teamlead in march and so far I feel like I could not show off/prove my skille and knowledge to him while the others could. I feel like I'm standing in the shadows sometimes even being actively pushed back into them. Like a tool put in a shelf not neede for now collecting dust.
It's incredibly frustrating and deressing for me because I am a scientist by heart I love my profession...

Now my overthinking brain gets even to the point where I'm asking myself if they are boring me out on purpose, so I leave the company on my own accord and they don't have to fire me, because they can't without a reason....
I'm more and more thinking of actually looking for a different posititon... Maybe I'll apply for a pHD after all...