Took a couple hours off work so I can at least have like 18 hours of weekend instead of 12 :')

Kinda trying to relax and distract my currently really pessimistic head by tinkering a bit on some cosplays of mine.
However I'm kinda too stupid with my brush as I'm sure half the paint ends up on my body when I look at my arms atm.

If I keep this up, I'm going to accidentally cosplay that horrific purple mascot from MC-D :D

#Spain #energy #infrastructure #power #society #socialization #touch #humans #people #blackout

And the true socialization procedure started...

https://www.fastcompany.com/91326177/this-is-how-it-feels-at-the-beginning-of-the-end-of-the-world

Well... that's one for the life stories.... complete energy black out in Portugal and Spain (and in some places of france and Italy) yesterday..... for at least 12h.....

I knew it.




I'm just not worth to be described. Because the only way im seen is when I function. When im useful.
How will anynoe describe me as anything elst than "the one that waters their plants on vacation" ot "that drives them around". Im not "the one with the soft bouncy curls" or "the one that always has paint on her Fingers" bc these little details that make me a person are never seen. They are not useful...

In slowly but surely falling into an even darker place...

Once again Lucy Krugers gentle and melancholic voice is the only thing that keeps me grounded and comforts me. It's he only voice I want to hear rn and my paintbrushes are the only thing I want to hold on to. But I am forced to function. Listen to everyone yap and pick up the pieces of myself that break off along the road.
I am so tired
https://youtu.be/EvaWwpTvm0o?si=dT_fCbd3ZbsB5_Fg

Somehow it has become hard for me to enjoy my socia shutdown alone time. Sometimes I just need to recharge my social batteries and shut myself in for a weekend doing things I enjoy alone like painting and sewing. And sometimes I need several weekends on a row.. But lately I often feel guilty doing this. Today too...Especially if others have asked if I wanna do something or join a get together. Even if they are understanding bc they are also introverted and get it. I feel like they just said it to be nice but are actually upset and think that I am selfish...
But a the same time I hate not having so much time for my hobbies anymore so I look forward to be able to spend an entire weekend on them. Is it selfish to prioritize this over social interactions? I have picked up all these hobbies in the past as way fix the loneliness I experienced for always being the odd one with very little friends. Now I love art more than people because it was always there for me when people weren't. I think thats why it makes me feel guilty now that there are people who want to spend time with me.
Lately I have been struggleing with this thought a lot...but I really need to recharge in order to not completely explode or break down.

Posting on the feed is like having sex. It's a pain staking arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think everything's going your way....nothing happens.

#painting
Claus Bergen - "Rough sea under a cloudy sky"

#ancient #Greece #Greek #Hellenic #Hellas #Roman #statues #GrecoRoman #perfumes #fragrances #Delos
https://www.labrujulaverde.com/en/2025/03/a-study-reveals-that-greek-and-roman-statues-were-not-only-painted-and-adorned-with-textiles-and-jewelry-but-also-perfumed/

A silent sin fell upon the soul of humanity and in a burning second, a whirlwind of pain and death came to humanity🐦‍🔥