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Things have been...well...just insane. I've had a lot of appointments and am taking care of my mental health,going gluten free witch is incredibly difficult. My Bandcamp will be active again soon,I'm still playing guitar and bass working on new things as I type. Still making my photography as well. Got this concert coming up,fellow redhead ginger warrior friend of mine will hopefully be meeting me at the venue,going to be heavy !

Lately, When I express my genuine thoughts and concerns, it feels like a form of punishment.

This happens both at work, in meetings where input is supposedly valued, and in my personal life. My attempts to voice a concern or a different perspective are often dismissed as pessimism, exaggeration, or even egomania. It seems I am being penalized simply for having an opinion and for caring enough to be concerned.

Increasingly, I feel that I am being passively silenced—not with a direct command, but with subtle cues and reactions that make thinking feel like a forbidden act. I am being reduced to a sounding board, a wall for others to shout at, with no expectation of a reciprocal conversation. My role is not to contribute, but to absorb.

And then, people wonder. They wonder why I am burning out, why my energy and creativity have evaporated, why my motivation has dwindled to nothing. They don't see the cumulative weight of being silenced.
I notice that the situation is gradually affecting my body. I currently only sleep with a tight chest and painful breathing, and I wake up in the middle of the night with my heart racing.

#Trump #POTUS #DonaldTrump #CEOs #dinner #meeting #hitech #AI #artificial_intelligence #Politics #technology #ElonMusk #Elon_Musk #BigTech https://www.businessinsider.com/donald-trump-big-tech-ceo-dinner-mark-zuckerberg-seating-chart-2025-9

I'm at the verge of crying every day...Wednesdays and Thursdays are always the hardest work days for me currently. I practically have to drag myself to work everyday and it's hardest on these days.
Next Monday I have a 1:1 with my boss...I hope I can address the issues. Although I would prefer to talk to another person First to get their opinion before taking to my boss. I think that would be more strategic but I will not have a meeting with them until next Wednesday. And I don't think I can wait this long...the longer leave this unresolved the more anxiety I'm developing about this. It's such a dilemma: be strategic and tall to the righ person first, but deal with my fears and anxiety a week longer or just talk to my boss directly without having that other insight. I feel so burdened by it. And no one can really help me except those 2 supervisors. So I have to carry this until they have one for me.
I can barely focus on the little work I do have and that makes my anxiety even worse because I feel even more useless and like I'm not performing well that makes and my fears that they are planning to let me go even worse...

Jess I haven't figured out the wallet thingy yet. Mind you, back in the day, I was accustomed to meeting fine upstanding Colombian men wearing cheap cologne and carrying Louis Vuitton Monogram Briefcases. The contents of which are not yet declassified.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=crDTz1skj9c

Urgh post vacation blues hit hard. Why has working become so boring?! meetings this morning were like...