Wow what a shitty End for a vacation. Successfully ruined another persons day again just by trying to open up and share my fears and emotions in hopes to clear my anxiety that I had since yesterday...
But noo triggered somewhat of a fight and anxiety for the other side too.
Aaaaaand thats why I usually bottle things up. When I talk about it I piss people off or make them sad and that worsens my anxiety. Even when I thought hard about how I say it and what I say, it always goes down the wrong pipe and ends with the worst outcome...
Why do I even try again ana again it always ends in disappointment: either I'm a bad trigger or I'm as important as fucking chairs. After all im only good for listening not for talking about feelings. I just muck things up...

I feel like such a human failure...

Not like anyone cares but I'll blog it here anyways... Cause here at least I can pretend ppl care... I'm Ending vacation with a bad migraine attack and possibly an incubating flu. Great. Not like my I overall declining health has been enough strain in my body and mental health.

Maybe I shouldn't have made plans for Halloween at all... Just ended with a ruined evening and feeling bad about being the cause of it...

Today at work, we discussed and agreed on the last project weeks of the quarter.
Only 8 weeks left (with lots of potential for overtime)...
After that, I can finally go on vacation.

The Schumer Shutdown is basically a month long vacation for Useless (Oops, I meanzzz "Non-essential" federal employees

Sometimes the health system sucks....Starting to feel long time consequences of some health issues that I have been dealing with for a while I went to some specialist and Guess what to treat one thing I need another condition fully diagnosed but that doctor is on vacation for two weeks and once that one is returned, doctor one will be on vacation and so in total I have to wait at least 4 more weeks to be able to start treatment if it is even possible to give me that treatment. Not like I have been having that issue for 6 months now and it's starting to cause follow up issues....
Still not sure if the ED is the cause of it all or if my body just hates me and found another way to show me...
But hey, what else is new?

#life #vacation #isolation #nature

Ok shout-out to Berenika for releasing this funky new single that saved my Monday! This energetic tune brought back my vigor.
Bye bye post vacation blues. HELLo party mood!
This will probably be my get ready in the morning song for the rest of this month
https://youtu.be/JY9D2fEh-K0?list=RDJY9D2fEh-K0

Urgh post vacation blues hit hard. Why has working become so boring?! meetings this morning were like...

well... shitty ?vacations? on my parents house in south portugal.... it's been 5 years since me my mom my bro his wife and my nephew went there in plain August..... fuck...it was unberable.... no AC on the house... 2 big fan's could cool the air...we're back home again..

I wanted to film new tiktok cosplay content during my vacation but so far it has been too hot for wearing wigs
But I'm also feeling like I'm wasting my free time feeling bored right now...