Finally spilled and Left alone with all of it...

Again.

My legs are so sore. Feels great and horrible. The leg exercises and cardio after a budy day at work added up. Here i am still on my feet at dave and busters.

A secret to happiness is to be as weird as you like
and the wrong people will leave the party,
but the right ones will join the dance

I'm so tired of all I don't even know how I still manage to get myself out if bed everyday. In the past few weeks I caught myself wishing I would catch a nasty cold or even fall off the bike and break something so I can catch a break...
How Terrible is that.

I just had a meltdown in the lab...because I'm burned and spent by this shit. This company has burned me completely and I'm just a walking pile of ash. Every passing day I wish more and more that I was one of the people that were layed off or that I would have an accident break and ankle or so and get a sick leave for a few weeks. Just to catch a breath and be an unexpected gap on the personal.
It's not the stress that's getting me I actually don't think the workload is overwhelming at the moment it's average and manageable. It's the lack of pay and appreciation that bothers me. I came on Saturdays I came on Sundays gave 110% to make them see that I am worth getting the same pay as the others and instead I get a warm sweaty handshake and a chocolate I can't even eat.
And I'm still trying to give a 110 percent that I don't even have in me anymore why because of revenge because I want it to hurt heavily when I leave and I want to see them in false security about my loyalty. But I'm not even sure that's worth it...
At this point I just wish for a new job opportunity and hope the company goes bankrupt so that I can get social support. I wouldn't get that for a few months if I resigned without a new job.